Mello Knows All
by acklesauce
Summary: A group of IM conversations between L and his successors. Ranges between calling eachother pet names, to shooting Light, to L's sex life! R&R PLEASE!


guninpants1289 (4:43:17 PM): Hello L.

LawliPop103179 (4:43:32 PM): Good evening, Mello.

guninpants1289 (4:43:41 PM): Is it evening?

LawliPop103179 (4:43:48 PM): I believe so.

guninpants1289 (4:43:56 PM): Oh.. I dunno.

guninpants1289 (4:44:20 PM): How are you?

LawliPop103179 (4:44:55 PM): I'm doing well. How about you?

guninpants1289 (4:45:04 PM): Well. How's the case?

LawliPop103179 (4:45:16 PM): It's progressing.

guninpants1289 (4:45:26 PM): Let me guess, slowly?

LawliPop103179 (4:45:40 PM): ..Yes.

guninpants1289 (4:46:04 PM): Ahh. Exactly what would be expected of a culprit that fancies himself a God.

LawliPop103179 (4:47:18 PM): How are you and Matt?

guninpants1289 (4:47:33 PM): I'm fine and Matt is pregnant.

LawliPop103179 (4:47:42 PM): E-excuse me?

guninpants1289 (4:47:56 PM): What would you need to be excused for?

LawliPop103179 (4:48:35 PM): Matt..is pregnant? That is physically impossible..

guninpants1289 (4:48:46 PM): Oh, I know. I lied.

LawliPop103179 (4:48:50 PM): ...

guninpants1289 (4:48:53 PM): . .

LawliPop103179 (4:49:07 PM): Um..

guninpants1289 (4:49:30 PM): Cat got your tongue? WHEN DID YOU GET A CAT? I thought you were allergic!

LawliPop103179 (4:49:46 PM): I am not allergic. I happen to like cats.

guninpants1289 (4:50:02 PM): Oh, well, I don't. They spit up and stuff.

guninpants1289 (4:50:13 PM): That's why I'm never having kids. They spit up.

LawliPop103179 (4:50:34 PM): They aren't that bad.

guninpants1289 (4:50:53 PM): I know it's foolish to doubt you, but seriously, how would you know?

LawliPop103179 (4:51:09 PM): ...I raised you, Matt, and Near.

guninpants1289 (4:51:29 PM): Oh, right. But we were born with the intellect of twenty-year-olds.

LawliPop103179 (4:52:01 PM): Yes, but still, you were children.

LawliPop103179 (4:52:07 PM): You all spit up things..

guninpants1289 (4:52:27 PM): The only one that spit up things was Near because he can't digest legos!

LawliPop103179 (4:53:08 PM): Mello...

guninpants1289 (4:53:10 PM): Leggo my eggo!

LawliPop103179 (4:53:16 PM): Stop picking on Near.  
guninpants1289 (4:53:20 PM): I mean, yes?

guninpants1289 (4:53:23 PM): Oh, ok.

LawliPop103179 (4:53:37 PM): Speaking of Near, how is he/

LawliPop103179 (4:53:39 PM): ?

guninpants1289 (4:53:44 PM): pregnant.

LawliPop103179 (4:53:55 PM): Will you stop that..?

guninpants1289 (4:54:05 PM): Not unless you tell me to.

LawliPop103179 (4:54:11 PM): Stop.

guninpants1289 (4:54:22 PM): And it's true. He's pregnant with ANTICIPATION!

LawliPop103179 (4:54:29 PM): . . .

LawliPop103179 (4:54:37 PM): Why do I even talk to you...

guninpants1289 (4:54:44 PM): Because you love me

LawliPop103179 (4:55:03 PM): That's what you think.

guninpants1289 (4:55:13 PM): ...Huh...

guninpants1289 (4:55:21 PM): You hate me.

LawliPop103179 (4:55:26 PM): No, I don't.

guninpants1289 (4:55:32 PM): Yes you do.

LawliPop103179 (4:55:34 PM): Hate is a strong word.

LawliPop103179 (4:55:41 PM): You irk me sometimes.

guninpants1289 (4:55:48 PM): Often, you mean.

LawliPop103179 (4:55:53 PM): ...Yes.

guninpants1289 (4:56:37 PM): I irk Matt, too. But he likes it if you get what I mean.

LawliPop103179 (4:56:42 PM): . . .  
guninpants1289 (4:56:51 PM): I hope you don't get it.

LawliPop103179 (4:56:58 PM): Mello I don't like hearing about your personal life. I get it...

guninpants1289 (4:57:03 PM): Ouch..

guninpants1289 (4:57:43 PM): L IS IGNORING POOR MELLO-SAMA!

LawliPop103179 (4:57:51 PM): ...Mello-sama...?

guninpants1289 (4:57:52 PM): ;.;

guninpants1289 (4:57:55 PM): Yes.

guninpants1289 (4:58:05 PM): That's right, call me Sama! ME!

LawliPop103179 (4:58:35 PM): I'm sorry that you feel I am ignoring you, Mello, but I am working on the Kira case. Being handcuffed to Light puts me in a bad mood.

guninpants1289 (4:58:44 PM): Light? Where is he?

LawliPop103179 (4:58:59 PM): He's sleeping on some cake right now...my cake...

guninpants1289 (4:59:09 PM): I can shoot him for you.

LawliPop103179 (4:59:25 PM): Mello, I thought I told you to get rid of that gun.

guninpants1289 (4:59:26 PM): Then Kira would be dead.

guninpants1289 (4:59:34 PM): I did get rid of it.

guninpants1289 (4:59:36 PM): Then I got a new one.

LawliPop103179 (4:59:50 PM): There's still I chance that he isn't Kira...but it's very unlikely.

guninpants1289 (5:00:04 PM): Like, .000000000001 PERCENT!!

LawliPop103179 (5:00:15 PM): Yes.

guninpants1289 (5:00:20 PM): Oh, who's good?!

LawliPop103179 (5:00:27 PM): ...Me.

guninpants1289 (5:00:32 PM): YUP!

guninpants1289 (5:00:35 PM): YOU WIN!

LawliPop103179 (5:00:37 PM): Watari has been acting strange lately.

LawliPop103179 (5:00:41 PM): He keeps dancing...

guninpants1289 (5:00:41 PM): Singing the duck song?

LawliPop103179 (5:00:48 PM): Yes, and singing.

guninpants1289 (5:00:55 PM): Like, the hokie pokie, no?

guninpants1289 (5:01:08 PM): And "Bubbly" by that Colbie Caliat girl.

LawliPop103179 (5:01:13 PM): . . .

guninpants1289 (5:01:20 PM): I'm right, aren't I.

LawliPop103179 (5:01:22 PM): Mello...are you spying on Watari again?

guninpants1289 (5:01:26 PM): AM NOT!

LawliPop103179 (5:01:30 PM): -.-

guninpants1289 (5:01:36 PM): No seriously I'm not.

guninpants1289 (5:01:45 PM): Roger is. I spy on Roger so I know.

LawliPop103179 (5:01:55 PM): Roger..? Why is he...nevermind...

guninpants1289 (5:01:58 PM): I know everything.

LawliPop103179 (5:02:07 PM): No you don't.

guninpants1289 (5:02:10 PM): do too.

LawliPop103179 (5:02:17 PM): I'm afraid not.

guninpants1289 (5:02:23 PM): What don't I know!

guninpants1289 (5:02:42 PM): Oh, got you there.

LawliPop103179 (5:03:05 PM): You don't know anything about my sex life.  
guninpants1289 (5:03:11 PM): Oh, quite contraire.

guninpants1289 (5:03:17 PM): I know more about it than you do.

LawliPop103179 (5:03:25 PM): ...How is that possible...?

guninpants1289 (5:03:34 PM): Try me out.

guninpants1289 (5:03:44 PM): Go on, test me.  
LawliPop103179 (5:04:10 PM): Fine.

guninpants1289 (5:04:32 PM): Question numero uno!

LawliPop103179 (5:05:07 PM): What underwear do I have on?

guninpants1289 (5:05:14 PM): Light pink with black fishies.

guninpants1289 (5:05:21 PM): Boxers.

LawliPop103179 (5:05:46 PM): ...Yes.  
guninpants1289 (5:05:51 PM): Numero dos!

LawliPop103179 (5:07:28 PM): Who was my first love?

guninpants1289 (5:07:28 PM): OH OH GUESS WHAT!

LawliPop103179 (5:07:31 PM): What...

guninpants1289 (5:07:32 PM): Oh, Ringo.

guninpants1289 (5:07:36 PM): BUT GUESS!

LawliPop103179 (5:07:41 PM): What...

guninpants1289 (5:07:46 PM): In this fanfiction, you slept with Matsuda last night.

LawliPop103179 (5:07:47 PM): Light is waking up.

LawliPop103179 (5:07:50 PM): O.O

guninpants1289 (5:07:55 PM): And in this other one you slept with Matt. YOU STEALER!

guninpants1289 (5:07:59 PM): YOU STOLE HIM!

LawliPop103179 (5:08:02 PM): . . . . . . . . . .

guninpants1289 (5:08:11 PM): Oh, wait, that's BB.

guninpants1289 (5:08:15 PM): Sorry.

LawliPop103179 (5:08:18 PM): ...

guninpants1289 (5:08:30 PM): BB is an ass, you know that, Kami-sama?

LawliPop103179 (5:08:31 PM): I regret ever giving you my screen name.

guninpants1289 (5:08:32 PM): I MEAN L!

LawliPop103179 (5:08:37 PM): What did you call me?

guninpants1289 (5:08:39 PM): L!

LawliPop103179 (5:08:44 PM): ...No you didn't...

guninpants1289 (5:08:49 PM): L I CALLED YOU LAWLIET!

guninpants1289 (5:08:52 PM): I MEAN L!

LawliPop103179 (5:08:53 PM): O.O

guninpants1289 (5:09:06 PM): I did not just write anything in French.

guninpants1289 (5:09:09 PM): ANYTHING.

LawliPop103179 (5:09:15 PM): . . . . .

LawliPop103179 (5:09:26 PM): I seriously regret giving you my screen name

LawliPop103179 (5:09:31 PM): Light is up now.

guninpants1289 (5:09:43 PM): HELLO LIGHT HOW ARE YOU TODAY!

LawliPop103179 (5:09:51 PM): ...I don't think he's in a good mood...

guninpants1289 (5:09:58 PM): WELL THAT DOES NOT MATTER

LawliPop103179 (5:10:04 PM): . . .  
guninpants1289 (5:10:12 PM): BECAUSE EVERYONE HATES HIM ANYWAY AND I AM GOING TO LET MATSUDA SHOOT HIM!

guninpants1289 (5:10:15 PM): XD

LawliPop103179 (5:10:38 PM): Ok then...

guninpants1289 (5:10:44 PM): L, did you know

LawliPop103179 (5:10:48 PM): What?

guninpants1289 (5:10:53 PM): Light looks like Edward Cullen!

LawliPop103179 (5:10:58 PM): Who?

guninpants1289 (5:11:00 PM): And acts like him, too.

guninpants1289 (5:11:04 PM): The Vampire.

LawliPop103179 (5:11:33 PM): I'm sorry, but I don't know who your talking about.

guninpants1289 (5:11:38 PM): You do so.

guninpants1289 (5:11:48 PM): I know you read teenage romance novels.

guninpants1289 (5:11:57 PM): Because you are a teenage girl at heart, L.

LawliPop103179 (5:12:18 PM): Mello, you have a serious problem.

guninpants1289 (5:12:27 PM): Not A I have MANY.

guninpants1289 (5:12:40 PM): One of them is Matt.

LawliPop103179 (5:12:43 PM): . . .

LawliPop103179 (5:12:50 PM): Again, I don't want to hear this.

guninpants1289 (5:13:06 PM): What! He can't even make decent waffles. He's a problem.

LawliPop103179 (5:13:10 PM): ...

guninpants1289 (5:13:18 PM): ...Ooh.. I get it now! L has a gutterbrain.

LawliPop103179 (5:13:29 PM): I do not have a gutterbrain!

guninpants1289 (5:13:51 PM): Oh yeah? Most famous playboy model of all time!

guninpants1289 (5:14:13 PM): Go on, you know who it is.

LawliPop103179 (5:14:35 PM): Marylin Monroe...

guninpants1289 (5:14:44 PM): See. You read ecchi magazines.

LawliPop103179 (5:14:50 PM): I do not!

LawliPop103179 (5:14:59 PM): I just happen to admire Marylin Monroe!!

guninpants1289 (5:15:02 PM): It's nothing to be ashamed of. Light does, too.

LawliPop103179 (5:15:06 PM): ...

guninpants1289 (5:15:07 PM): So does Near.

guninpants1289 (5:15:13 PM): I mean.. no he doesn't.

LawliPop103179 (5:15:16 PM): Why do you tell me things I wish not to hear?

guninpants1289 (5:15:17 PM): That's Matt..

guninpants1289 (5:15:48 PM): You need to know everything about the enemy, and Near.. I mean Matt.

LawliPop103179 (5:15:57 PM): . . .

LawliPop103179 (5:16:09 PM): I have to leave, Light wants to wash his face...

guninpants1289 (5:16:15 PM): Fuck him.

guninpants1289 (5:16:19 PM): Make him get pimples.

LawliPop103179 (5:16:21 PM): Language..-.-

guninpants1289 (5:16:23 PM): Sorry.

guninpants1289 (5:16:28 PM): F him!

LawliPop103179 (5:16:31 PM): He's got cake all over his face...

guninpants1289 (5:16:39 PM): Well thats his fault, isnt it.

LawliPop103179 (5:16:45 PM): Yes it is.  
LawliPop103179 (5:16:51 PM): But he is screeching in my ear...

guninpants1289 (5:16:59 PM): Punch him out.

guninpants1289 (5:17:07 PM): Or throttle him with the chain.

LawliPop103179 (5:17:25 PM): If I cause bodily harm to him he will never shut up.

guninpants1289 (5:17:35 PM): So kill him.

LawliPop103179 (5:17:39 PM): -.-

guninpants1289 (5:17:41 PM): Then he can't bother you.

guninpants1289 (5:17:48 PM): Or kill you in episode 25.

LawliPop103179 (5:17:50 PM): Mello, killing someone is a felony.

guninpants1289 (5:17:51 PM): I MEAN!

LawliPop103179 (5:17:52 PM): WHAT

guninpants1289 (5:18:21 PM): Nothing, you didn't hear nothing. Near is calling me... he forgot to check for toilet paper before he sat down...

LawliPop103179 (5:18:26 PM): . . .

guninpants1289 (5:18:38 PM): -wanders away-

LawliPop103179 (5:18:55 PM): -signing off-

guninpants1289 (5:18:57 PM): NO

LawliPop103179 (5:18:59 PM): -.-

guninpants1289 (5:19:02 PM): THIS IS MATT!

guninpants1289 (5:19:05 PM): DONT LEAVE!

LawliPop103179 (5:19:07 PM): Hello Matt.

guninpants1289 (5:19:14 PM): Hey, L! What's shakin?

LawliPop103179 (5:19:16 PM): Are you still smoking?

guninpants1289 (5:19:20 PM): ...No.

LawliPop103179 (5:19:29 PM): ...Take it out of you mouth this instant.

LawliPop103179 (5:19:32 PM): your  
guninpants1289 (5:19:40 PM): -drops jaw and cigarette falls out-

LawliPop103179 (5:19:44 PM): -.-

guninpants1289 (5:19:47 PM): -puts in new cigarette-

LawliPop103179 (5:19:50 PM): Matt!  
guninpants1289 (5:19:53 PM): WHAT!

guninpants1289 (5:20:00 PM): -looks around-

guninpants1289 (5:20:08 PM): WHO CALLED ME!

LawliPop103179 (5:20:09 PM): Stop that! You're going to die at an early age!

LawliPop103179 (5:20:12 PM): Smoking kills!

guninpants1289 (5:20:13 PM): So are you!

guninpants1289 (5:20:16 PM): And so do guns.

guninpants1289 (5:20:22 PM): But Mello has his in his pants.

guninpants1289 (5:20:27 PM): That would HURT.

LawliPop103179 (5:20:31 PM): ...

guninpants1289 (5:20:48 PM): Oh, so you care about me! Can I call you Dad?

LawliPop103179 (5:20:54 PM): ...No .  
guninpants1289 (5:20:56 PM): Hi, Dad!

LawliPop103179 (5:21:01 PM): Don't call me that.

guninpants1289 (5:21:06 PM): why not, Dad?

LawliPop103179 (5:21:24 PM): I just can't have on of my successors dying on me, is all. You calling me dad disturbs me.

LawliPop103179 (5:21:30 PM): one\

guninpants1289 (5:21:47 PM): Okay then, Papa.

LawliPop103179 (5:21:50 PM): No...

guninpants1289 (5:21:53 PM): Pa.

LawliPop103179 (5:21:56 PM): Just call me L..

guninpants1289 (5:22:04 PM): Lilo and Stitch!

LawliPop103179 (5:22:08 PM): . . .

guninpants1289 (5:22:09 PM): Okay, Lilo.

LawliPop103179 (5:22:14 PM): No.

LawliPop103179 (5:22:18 PM): I am L!

guninpants1289 (5:22:23 PM): LILO!

LawliPop103179 (5:22:28 PM): NO

guninpants1289 (5:22:30 PM): YES!

LawliPop103179 (5:22:40 PM): Where's Mello, I rather talk to him.

guninpants1289 (5:22:52 PM): Why, Dad? Don't you love me? DADDY DONT LEAVE ME!

LawliPop103179 (5:22:57 PM): ...

guninpants1289 (5:23:11 PM): Besides, Mello is finding toilet paper for Near.

Auto Response from LawliPop103179 (5:23:11 PM): I am busy solving the Kira case. It is possible I will not come back from away. If this unfortunate event happens, I pick Near.

guninpants1289 (5:23:30 PM): Well I don't even care because I choose Bulbasour over you, Dad!

* * *

Well, that was fun, wasn't it?! This was done over AIM. Go instant message those screen names to talk to L, Mello, Near, Matt and maybe even Light!


End file.
